8 Responses to “A Woman Scorn”

1. James Marsh, Australia // Aug 19, 2009 at 11:22 pm

   this is what i was writing i dont think its finished or nothin but im not in writing mode right now…

   The heartbreaks, the moment after findin out what ya heart can take… and they took it
   its still there, it still work, but whats left of it was it all worth?… Is it really that bad?
   Maybe its far worse… Maybe its nothin I’m meant to be goin through, trynna tell my brain you makin it all up to you
   Its all in ya head anyway, they just feelings… but i guess they wont go away
   Not that easy anyway… She’s not even that right for me… in fact not at all.. theres no hole in her love big enough for me to fall
   no space for me to get in, no place to open a door… though i do see walls…shit, nothing but
   just another fuckin rejection, a blocked shot,
   I patiently waited for my opportunity, findin the right spot…
   Then from no where my heart jump in knowin that I’m not
   Now I’m stuck trynna make the love but we don’t even fuck
   not even together, we’re just whatever, whatever
   N whenever I bring it up she says whatever to shut me up
   I’m just the bitch whinin…Wantin to know where its goin and why its gone

   FUCK this shit is pointless without the right lines guiding me to write lines
   That will find me where i lost all this shit in the first place
   maybe because i met this bitch on myspace
   or because she don’t even wanna come over my place
   Maybe i just need somebody… anybody in my case
   the loose shoe just needin a lace to keep my shit from falling apart
   fuck her, gettin me all froze, I’m just gonna restart

   I’m returnin the mack, n waitin for my windows
   the right time to swoop in when the wind blows in
   She thinkin she fly but I’m already flowin, I’m already knowin the right one is left for me
   hidden right in front of me, want her sittin right next to me
   the next to be gettin the best of me, arrestin me with her love
   But feelin like I’m breaking free… something you cant see
   but the feeling is crystal clear… at least it will be when it gets here

2. RJam // Aug 20, 2009 at 5:04 am

   I thought I was in love
   but it was most likely just lust
   the love I thought
   was just petty juvenile lust
   I liked the idea of love
   just not the commitment of it
   Too much work goes into it
   So my heart just could not get into it
   When the giving becomes work
   I ended up feeling like the jerk
   As the work became overbearing
   I started to feel your lack of caring
   Whom is really loving whom
   You really didnt have any room
   my love seemed to be mat
   You walked all over it
   Now so much dirt is on it
   Unable to rid the funk from it
   So much for love
   but I thought it was love
   -RJ

3. Abdul Majid from Dirty Jersey // Aug 20, 2009 at 3:36 pm

   Copyright © 2009

   True Nigga Stories: Take 12

   And yes these are all true stories!!!

   “Good Loving, Body Rockin’, Knockin Boots All Night Long.”

   I was having a conversation with a friend of mine named Eugene Grayer a couple of weeks ago about how all these young kids are have sexy at an early age and it got me to thinking about the time I lost my virginity. I was 18 years old and a senior at Scotch Plains Fanwood High School when I decided to take on the monumental task of finding a person I could connect with on a spiritual level (I’m just bullshitting I just wanted some ass). Now no disrespect to all my snow bunnies reading this but growing up I was feed a health diet of The Cosby Show, A Different World and R&B and Rap music videos, so for my 1st sexual experience all I wanted was that pretty brown round (It’s driving me wild). Scotch Plains being a majority Caucasian community did not give the optimal environment to get that chocolate goodness I was desperately searching for so me being the adventurous soul I was I ventured 1 town over to Plainfield, New Jersey which was a predominantly African American community to continue my vision quest. As you all know from my “Choking on big smoke” story I went to Hubbard Middle school in the 8th grade so I knew a few people who could introduce me to a few things to get this party started. Trying for months to get a “Sista” who would be down to do that dance and play this game we call love was more difficult then I imaged. Never the quitter, in a last ditch effort to get some trim I called a friend, who had a friend, who had someone they wanted to introduce me to (say that 3 times fast). On a Tuesday I think it was I went by my friends place to meet this girl and what I saw wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. See god has an incredible sense of humor and he will test you to see how much you want, what it is you say you want and what was presented to me was pretty but it was neither brown nor round. Just my luck I get the only white girl in all of fucking Plainfield who for the sake of the story we’ll call Door #1. Door #1 was a very nice, pretty girl, who was into the spice meat, and had a very nice rack (like most snow bunnies have) but the hind quarters; well they were exactly that…quarters (shiny and flat). This being last chance saloon for me (or at least that’s what I thought) I proceeded to blandish her with attention and adulation. Courting her for several weeks the day I had been praying for had finally arrived. After school on a Thursday she stopped by my house to hangout with me for awhile like we’ve done on several occasions but unbeknownst to me hanging out that day meant something completely different (like my balls nigga). When she arrived my stepmother answered the door, let her in then called me down to tell me I had company. I come down and tell my stepmother we’re going upstairs to “study” then I escort Door #1 to my bedroom. After a few minutes of the normal conversation and the necessary jibber jabber the make out session begins. Doing all those things you do to get to the point of getting laid I figured this would be my best chance to test the waters. I do my patented and world renowned drop draws move but was halted by her concerns about my stepmother being down stairs and my older brother in the next room. At this point I’m harder than Chinese arithmetic so I give her some bullshit ass line about them going to the store in a few minutes (you do what you gotta do) and the session continues. So I lock my bedroom door, strap up and we start to do the horizontal mambo like only 2 teenagers could only do. Now my ego would love to tell you that I beat them draws up into a comatose like, blissful submission but that wasn’t even close to being the truth. Nigga I 2 pump chumped that bitch so fast it was like I was trying to break an Olympic record. I’m not even sure she broke a sweat, was an active participant or even aware of what was going on. For those several glorious seconds I humped her brains out like a wild monkey screaming and shrieking the whole time. Now in my defense it was my 1st time and things like that happen on your 1st time at anything (practice makes perfect) because I know as an adult I can sling that loaf something ridiculous (and it is a loaf ladies). After our enjoyable but brief sexual encounter was over the inevitable post sex conversation took place.

   Door #1
   So that’s it?

   Me
   Yeah pretty much…that’s what I’m going with.

   Door #1
   Oh

   Me
   Why, what’s up?

   Door #1
   Nothing……but I’m just curious. Was that your 1st time?

   Me (Embarrassed)
   1st time?

   Door #1
   Yeah, having sex.

   Me (Embarrassed as hell)
   Ummmm…..I roughed up the suspect a couple times…..does that count?

   Heartbreak!!!! I make fun of everyone else so much I figured my time was due. Enjoy (LMAO)

4. hopeless,of the unknown // Aug 20, 2009 at 4:57 pm

   DEATH OF A MAN

   i loved her,
   nothing but love for her,

   she wasn’t the best i ever had, she was all i had…all and everything,

   my lady,
   my love,
   my one,

   but no more,
   that fucken whore, i caught her flocking in another mans door.

   watching,
   stocking,
   cock blocking,

   it was the death,
   the death of a man.

   she put my patience to the test,
   when i knew of this, i wanted to put a hole in her chest.
   yes……………………..,
   yes…………..
   yes…. my chest
   the very breast i loved and caressed.

   she was my love……
   my wife….
   the reflection of my life…..

   no more….
   no more..

   that fuckin whore.!!!!

   i finally calm down enough to knock down the door.

   (open) PLEASE

   what is this????
   yea, i caught u,
   like wild animals in the mist, eyes filled of bliss. tell me the truth.

   you didn’t know??? i loved u so!!!!!

   excuse me, i’m sorry,,,
   i didn’t mean to call u out your name…

   fucken whore.!.

   I’ve yelled and screamed!

   i love u, i loved u so,

   do i have to compete with them anymore?
   if so,,,

   i’m out!!!!!! i’m out!!!!!! i’m done!!!!
   for death has won.

   DEATH OF A MAN

5. Xavier Shields aka southernhiphop, Jackson, MS // Aug 21, 2009 at 3:13 am

   Heartbreak (Apology to her)

   I know you don’t want to hear from me, but this has to be said

   I am the last person you want to hear from, all of your friends (including yourself) want me dead

   My actions we not done to cause you harm
   but from the way we ended, I would say the damage is done

   From the first time we met, I was honest with you
   As I write this letter, I shed tears of pain for you

   I mean for us, but I let it all sip away for one night of pleasure and gained a lifetime of pain

   You gave me your all and I betrayed your trust
   How could I be so stupid to let our love to become a bust

   ………..To be continued

6. Stacey L. Moor, Weehawken, NJ/Biscane Bay, FL // Aug 25, 2009 at 10:31 am

   No one can hurt you like the ones you love…
   From the forthcoming novel, “It’s Me Again” avail October 4th

   She’s across from me, just staring at me. Just, sits there, and stares at me. She sits there staring at a man who she thought was so arrogant, so foolish to believe she would drop everything she has now, to be with him. After all this time, all the ups, all the downs… all the things she’s paid for in the last two years…
   “What are you thinking?” I ask coddling the cup in my hands.
   The café she chose to meet at was a bit off the beaten path I was used to her traveling. It was quaint, had an almost rustic feel and smelled of fresh cut flowers. It was really nice. But that doesn’t change anything apparently.
   She shakes her head slightly and opens her eyes a bit wider answering, “Words can’t begin to describe.” Her arms are folded now as she leans back in her chair.
   “I figured as much but I still had to try.”
   “Try what? Try to ruin my life again? Try to break my heart again?”
   “You broke mine long before that,” I reply.
   “You have some nerve after you slept with me, accused me of lying to you about my ex when all I wanted was be with you. Then you sleep with my best friend and SHE was the one that told me! Not you! She told me!” Her hushed voice finds the fear in my chest and amplifies it. Makes it burn with determination to get out.
   “I think that’s about enough for another two years, Quentin.” She rises, placing her jacket over her arm and she moves to turn away when I grab her arm.
   “Please.” I ask staring into her eyes now, for the first time since we’ve been sitting. I read the expression on her face and say it again the way I need to. “Please?”
   Lift my hand off of her hand as she curls back into the booth.
   I say, “There has been something missing out of my life Tweet.”
   “Don’t call me that,” she cuts in.
   I seem to sigh and exhale ‘I love you’ all in one breath.
   “Excuse me?”
   “We used to talk for hours about everything. Have full conversations by just singing songs to each other. I remember your mother asking me if I was saved the first time you took me home. No parent has ever asked me that before.” She softens a bit as if the memory has taken some of the cold away. My hand rubbing hers, I try to explain. My fingertips careen the highs and lows of what I’ve missed over the last few years. Her touch is what I wanted. For her just to be close was all I needed.
   “First, after not being able to be around you, yes, I was angry. And in some weird retaliation towards you… I slept with Virginya. We were as close as Jewel and I were. So when I didn’t have a super best friend like her, Virginya seemed to be so much like her that I thought she could just fill that void of needing to be around someone so similar. Even when I was alone I was cool. I could deal with that. But I couldn’t stand being lonely. I just needed someone to help me.”
   “By giving you some pussy, Quentin?”
   “No, by making up for me losing you Summer. You just don’t get it. I’ve been miserable without. I go out every once in awhile. I meet a few people, get a few drinks and start comparing women to you. Oh she’s cute, but she’s a lil’ lighter than Tweet is. Not as cute though. And over there that chick… wow! She’s bad! Cute outfit, nice doo’. Think to myself, ‘Summer wore her hair like that when we went to the Common concert.”
   “You should stop drinking then.”
   “I tried, it’s worse sober. Go to the supermarket, I see you. Or Target. There’ll be a woman who looks like an aunt or something of yours. Start to wonder what it would have been like if we actually did work? What would it be like if you were still a part of my life? How close would we be to each other’s families? Would we be living together? Would we be together? Or apart? Would you hate me? Would I hate you? And all I could think of was we would be great together. It would be like the first time every time. Become friends, and then become more. Introduce myself to your body. Have you lie on top of me afterwards and talk until the sun came up. Or the kids came knocking,” I chuckle then smile. So does she.
   “I’ve been trying to get over you. And it hasn’t been working. So this was my last resort. I’m out of ideas for not hurting. It just doesn’t stop. And I know how close they are to you and I would never put myself between any of your friends telling you to choose me or them but…”
   “This has nothing to do with them. You probably slept with all of them anyway.”
   “Only three of them, but that was way before you.”
   “Thanks. Like I was saying, I have someone that I love who is a good man. He’s never been anything less than what I needed or expected of him. There hasn’t been anything more than a few bad dreams since I’ve been with him. And I am his world. I am his sun, his seasons… his Summer.”
   “I…” the words stumble out, “I didn’t realize… I thought – never mind. I should have known.”
   “You thought what?” she lowers her head to try to peer into his eyes. “You thought what? Might as well tell me now so you don’t start stalking me again.”
   “I didn’t stalk you. It was more like, admiration from a distance. Didn’t know you were… that you weren’t single. Elyse told me that you and dude broke up. I could’ve sworn she said that y’all had some falling out. And me going through it with my ex, thought it was perfect timing. Thought it was meant to be.”
   “I’m sorry she set you up to fall then, Quentin. I have to go. It was good seeing you again honestly. Congratulations by the way. Always knew you’d make something wonderful with your life. Goodbye.”
   She walks out and never looks back. I wouldn’t know if she did or not. I keep my head down and hope that no one but a doctor sees what’s happening. My heart feels like frostbite has a hold of it as something slides across it.
   My hand to my chest squeezing hard into the muscle, I know why it hurts.
   Her name had been crossed off the list.

7. poetic justus, home of the Lost Angels and Palm Trees, California // Oct 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm

   FOOLISH

   i was a fool to think that u could ever love me….
   i opened up to you, and u rejected my heart…
   it rained for an eternity, and for an eternity my heart
   cried tears of rejection…
   i was a fool to think that u could ever see what i saw,
   and feel what i felt when we were 1…..
   i was a FOOL.

8. MyraSoul // Oct 14, 2009 at 12:30 pm

   Hmm..love,

   now bout it!’
   since stood on both sides of the
   embankment of the woman&theotherwoman

   looking over into sapphire waters
   with rocky bottoms,
   loved him true til’ he stepped
   lower

   into the lure of jezebel
   and her nicotine breath.
   Next day his presence before me,

   with her shadow and smell
   lingering he wooed,
   “whatever you want to do”
   so partied that night, but there was a ripple in the frequencies.

   Meanwhile, hands in the air on the dance floor,
   shook my thang he appreciated the curve
   then it got ugly. Collided for Southern bk energies

   were now gumbo with queens New York. Deceit entered,
   twas the night before he laid her down kissed her
   with those lips; one’s I fancied. Playing the tape back,
   it was his phone

   blowing up. “queens calling.” Hidden in
   his pocket, she fetal position,” left wondering,
   “what happened?” while the spirit realm
   sought this soul’s attention clouded by
   xan&alcohol.

   His actions punctured this trust,
   so it seethes out at memory.
   the weak shoot
   bow&arrows thru open loving hearts
   not considering the blood shed

   to pour streams&rivers&lakes&oceans-resentment
   til’ freedom heals time and wounds.
   Secular society painting love
   in blunder&hellchaos hue.

   Trickling down to the root as to rot,
   state of one’s mind in activities of sort.
   Selfish greed laced in methodical.
   wrenching of life’s experiences in
   Billie Holiday’s blues and Nina Simone determination, Love

   is a mighty sword.